Piddle of nowhere
- Oscar the Pooch
- 21 hours ago
- 9 min read
She looked back at the house. There were still no signs of movement in the dark windows, so Mom, poop juice cup, and I all took our positions and the Wagon rolled silently away.
As the Wagon crept through the deserted neighborhood, Mom kept her eyes on the side of the road as if she were looking for a place to finish our short night’s sleep. Suddenly, the Wagon turned so sharply that it rolled me hard into the wall. When I righted myself and looked out the window, we were in a crowded Starbucks car kennel. The Wagon excused itself as it pushed around the line of waiting cars to one of the empty parking spots. Mom dismounted in such a hurry that she forgot to tell me she’d be right back.
She ran to the door and yanked the handle. The door didn’t open, but a face appeared on the other side. It pointed to a piece of paper on the door and then pointed to the line of cars.
Mom balled her paws in front of her waist and squeezed her knees together in sign language for it’s an emergency, but the troll behind the glass just closed her eyes, shook her head, and sent Mom back to me.
“There's a steaming-hot cup of poop juice for you right here,” I said when she got back.
“Clawed Janet smother shucking pun and a stitch! Another closed bathroom,” Mom didn’t-quite-yell as she threw herself into the driving chair. “How dare they! What else is Starbucks there for?”
“There was a bathroom at Castle Charming,” I reminded her.
“Yeah, but I don’t want to soil their bathroom. They were so kind to us.”
“What about the people in Starbucks? Aren’t they hospitable and kind?”
“Starbucks is practically a public utility. Locking the bathrooms is… is… it’s a human rights violation! You can’t take away public infrastructure in the middle of a crisis. Where are we supposed to wash our hands, huh?”
“You can always use the dog bathroom,” I suggested.
“Not in the middle of a city. Especially Salt Lake, of all places.”
“Why? People in Salt Lake City don’t go potty?”
“There are people in Utah that wear full-body underwear so that not even God can see their bum. We’re gonna have to find some woods to hide in.”
