Your avocados or your life (free)
“You don’t know where they’ve been,” he said judgily, like Mom was irresponsible for not caring enough to check what her avocados were up to
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The West
(the reboot)
I'm retelling the stories from my first season of road trips when I was four years old. That's 2018 in people years.
New stories every Wednesday.
If you want to get the story a week early and read Mom's side of the story, click here to become a Best Friend.
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Oscar puts the “poo”in “shampoo” (free)
“No, Mom!” I said with a subtle pull on the leash. “It’s a trap! He’s trying to dognap you!”
Tick talk (free)
She didn't even bother to unlock the mailman van before she descended on me with a hunerd pinching fingers.
Zodisack (free)
"You're not even paying attention to who might be sneaking up on you!” I checked out all the windows, then I checked them again.
Winnemuc This
“The part where you don’t know how it’s going to end is the funnest part of any story,” I agreed.
Winnemucca, Winnemucca, Winnemucca!
The real reason we were in the Outback of Nevada was because we wanted to say Winnemucca. Try it: Winnemucca, Winnemucca, Winnemucca
First Dog (free)
"Oh brother," she said from behind me in a voice like an eye roll. My collar dug into my throat as she reeled me in a little closer.
Second Dog (free)
"Mom! No! How could you? I'm a celebrity. It'll be all over TMZ! And my fans will never recognize me with that on."
Spaghetti monsters (free)
The crowd went silent as everyone held their breath. The only noise on the farm was the chicka-chicka-chick of maracas. The squiggle snarled
Itch Hiking (free)
Questions like that are how Mom cheats at arguments. She knows that dogs can't tell the future like she can.
Mailmaiden voyage (free)
Pots clattered as she dug through the kitchen, searching for I-knew-not-what. She grunted triumphantly and pulled out the knife.
Mailman van (free)
Screams filled the inside of the mailman van as the ghosts of all the dogless families he'd eaten rattled the bars.
Cattle Dog and the Poopacabra
"Oh my dog! It's the shoopacabra!" I barked. "Let's get him!" I leaned hard into the leash and ordered him to run.
Homeward Hound Part 2
I couldn't tell if it was nature or civilization calling her back, just that Mom was accepting the call.
Homeward Hound
If you try to make everything look like the plan, then you're going to miss a lot and spend the whole adventure being frustrated.
White Dirt
The car-house came to rest in a car kennel surrounded by sky. Only the crowns of a few mountains joined us in the sky, still dripping with
Falls advertising
"Why would there be a parking lot if there were nothing to see? People who drive sedans don't go up a dirt road for nothing."
Grand Canyon: It's just gorges
Death sat self-consciously behind them all, its bloodthirsty depths and time-stained teeth awkwardly out of place among the picnic tables, r
Almighty Mittens
There was something creepy about being so close to something so big.
Falling
"Oh look! A cairn." Mom veered toward a little stack of rocks. I sniffed the pile. "Hello, Karen. My name is Oscar."
PhoDOGrapher
"Heights... I can't... I'm too scared to get close enough to take a good picture," she admitted. "I was kind of hoping you'd do it for me."
Sissy fuss
The monster halted and let out a screech like a carrion bird. Then it backed up for a closer look.
If wishes were fishes
"Oh well. I suppose you've learned your lesson. Please move out of the way so we can go."
Oscar Hunt
A dog on a road trip goes for a trail run on BLM land and discovers they're in a hunting ground.
Speedster
The car-house picked up speed as it rolled toward the blinding whiteness. As we zoomed in, the grid lines on the ground began to show.
Back on Tracks
Even the raindrops were prickly, as if it were raining wasps. Beside the trail, the bristle bushes bloomed with food wrappers and underpants
Don't you know who I am?
"Imagine that! A truck stop! Who does she think she’s talking to?" Mom pulled the seat leash across her chest like a diva cape.
Middle of Nowhere
"Sheesh, there's absolutely nothing here," Mom narrated. "There have got to be trails around here somewhere."
Soggy Doggy
Mom splashed out of the bushes and opened the door. I took a flying leap inside and shook the wet from my fur into the blanket. Mom humphed
Time traveler
Mystery drew me forward until the rocks spread in a wide circle. I followed the rocks' instructions and stopped in the center of the henge.
Rain, rain, go away
The trail turned shiny as a mirror and the river turned to stucco as we ran. I squinted to keep the rain out of my eyes as the world outside
Dognapped!
This looks more... residential. Like the sort of place where people live when they aren't allowed within a thousand feet of a school or play
Doggy Telepaphone
The leash may have been gone, but the bond we'd built over so many thousands of miles could never be unhitched. When Mom let me off the lea
Near-dead experience
The little cove wasn’t a bad place to be shipwrecked. The cliffs shielded the beach from view so passing ship would never see you burying yo
Curiouser and Curiouser
"Seriously, what's gotten into you?" Mom asked as we walked back to the kitchen end of the car-house. "I'm calling this whole trip off if yo
Dog-gistics
With all the trip's mysteries already solved, Mom might follow her wandering mind and get stuck in its darkest corners like a Roomba until t
Birthday Boy
I can tell what Mom is saying just by the groan of her voice, a look on her face, the way she slams something on the table, and the the soun
Schrödinger's Dog
If a dog sneaks into the park when no one is there to be scared of him, and his assistant picks up his poop and distracts him from the scent
Hashtug: Doublemutt Twins
“But we run faster than this when you’re not here. I think you’re actually slowing us down by pulling her.”
Driving Ms. Crazy
“Look who it is, Daisy! It’s Mom! And she brought backup!” I cheered. “They’re peace officers.”
Oscar and the Intruder
I only had a few seconds to react when I heard the clink-creek of a bad guy coming through my front gate. If a mailman or UPS guy reached th
Cold Case: The whole story (Cereal S1)
“Well, well, well…” I gave her a hard look. “Little Miss Know-it-all suddenly needs a private dog-tective, huh?"
Mary Puppins
If you just met me recently, you may not know that I am a retired explorer with a thrilling and inspiring career touring the far-flung...
Finding truth
As we figured out how to put it all into words, we found the humor in retelling things that had been scary or annoying at the time.
What's black and white, and read all over?
It takes a lot of work to write a disappointing book, but do you know how much work it takes to write a book that you're proud of?
Journey toward the center of the earth
Furword I haven’t been keeping you guys in the snoop for the past dog-decade or so. A lot has happened, not all of us have survived, and...
Talking bushes and rotten burritos
When the ground under The Mighty Truck started kicking us back, I knew that we were almost home for the night. I only smacked my chin on...
Trail foul
The morning after we ran among the potato spires, Mom woke me up to see the moon set. “Why do we keep getting up so early?!” I harumphed....
Being a rock, being an island
We’ve been traveling a lot in the past (dog) year, but Mom wanted to have one last mini-adventure before Mom started work and the...
In Spired
After narrowly escaping getting toasted, I was feeling pretty crispy. “How about we take a rest day today?” I asked. “The rest day was...
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