“No! Don’t tell me! Let me guess…” I tilted my head in a hmmm and waited, because I know how to do suspense, too. “It’s Batsquatch, right? He waits for them in his doorless cave at the tippity-top. When the herd least expects it, he pops out of solid rock and says Boo! Then the deer die quickly of a painless heart attack so they won’t feel it as he rips them to pieces like a stuffy toy. Right?”

“Drop the potato chips and no one gets hurt!” I barked, refusing the empty paw. 

“Don’t you dare take off!” Mom hissed, hooking her frozen claws around my collar and trapping me for monster meat. 

“Oh good! The horse came home after all. I knew we’d find a happy ending.” 

“After they mounted a thorough search for the horse, and a respectful time had passed for grief, I bet they adopted a buffalo,” I concluded. “Hey, what’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?”

You weren’t supposed to stay real quiet and creep around like you didn’t want to raise suspicion. Mom was clueless when it came to wildlife.

“Can’t the Witch call for help or something?” I asked. “You think there’s going to be cell service all the way out there?” Mom challenged. “We just left the only town big enough for a stop sign for 100 miles in any direction.” 

She placed the paper ceremonially on the front windowsill and tapped it a couple of times to prove it was there on purpose. “Think of it as double-paying in protest.”  “That’ll show ’em.” 

The Law paused to check out the Wagon’s butt. He clutched at a big button on his breast, tucked his chin, and whispered into it. It let out a squawk. 

“They can’t catch us if we outrun them.” Mom leaned forward and fell uphill in what looked like the sprint of someone who just grew legs

“They can’t catch us if we outrun them.” Mom leaned forward and fell uphill in what looked like the sprint of someone who just grew legs

She looked up like someone was calling her name and her eyes darted wildly, pointing at the empty air right above her head.

She looked up like someone was calling her name and her eyes darted wildly, pointing at the empty air right above her head.

I must have been behind a rock by the time Mom came by. The next time I heard her, she was bellowing my name from farther down the trail.

I must have been behind a rock by the time Mom came by. The next time I heard her, she was bellowing my name from farther down the trail.

“Mom! Guess what!” I wagged. “You’ll never guess who I just chased! He was extra fluffy and—“

“Mom! Guess what!” I wagged. “You’ll never guess who I just chased! He was extra fluffy and—“

“When I was younger, I used to look at maps of logging roads and imagine what it would be like to explore all those paths to nowhere.”

“When I was younger, I used to look at maps of logging roads and imagine what it would be like to explore all those paths to nowhere.”

He aimed his witch at the empty air between the potty and the next mountain. “Aren’t your pictures missing someone?”