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The worst guard dog

This morning Mom and I were on My Trail, and for the first time ever we came across some unauthorized users. Some of you have suggested that I am a brave dog who does courageous things to protect Mom. Well, this morning my mettle was tested. There’s one section where the trail corkscrews around on itself like a piggy’s tail. It starts on top of a bridge, and then curls in on itself twice before going under a different bridge. The lower turn is particularly scary because it is a blind turn into a narrow stretch of sidewalk with a wall on one side and a high fence on the other and nowhere for us to hide if we meet a Scary Thing. This morning we dropped down into that turn, and there, standing right on the yellow line in the middle of the trail, holding a junky bike longways so that it was blocking the trail, and staring at me and Mom, was Snoop Dogg. Snoop Dogg isn’t a real dog, he’s just confused. This wasn’t even the real Snoop Doggy Dogg the rapper, but an even more confused man who just looked like Snoop. He was staring us down like he thought he was Snoop Lion. Because of the way he was blocking the path, Mom and I had to squish in real close to the fence on the wrong side of the path to get by.

Did I bark at him and threaten to mess him up if he tried any funny business? Nope. I may bark my ass off at little old ladies wearing reflective vests, but with Snoop Lion, I just scuttled on by. Then, we came out the other side of the underpass, and the old man that we say hi to every morning, who wears socks for gloves and shuffles along at 1mph  popped into my view. I was so startled I jumped backward and almost took Mom out. I may not have been worried about a drugged out homeless man, but I was scared out of my wits by this tiny, shuffling old man.

–Oscar the Worst Guard Dog


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