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This morning Mom got up SO EARLY. Like SO EARLY. At 2:30 she was up staring at her stupid phone, and I followed her out to the living room to help her fall back asleep, but she kept checking her phone, her laptop, her phone again. At 3 in the morning she made a phone call! Can you believe it??? At 3:30 she decided that we were awake and started getting dressed to run. She may be okay with working this early on a Saturday, but I wasn’t, and sat still at the end of my leash hoping that she’d forget me. Unfortunately we were tied together, and eventually I had to follow her out into the dark.

Things smell different in the dark, and I hung back at the limit of my leash trying to smell all the things. I didn’t have time to check things out thoroughly, so I told Mom “if you think you can protect us better, YOU be the body guard this morning!” People make terrible protection. She just kept us running way too fast to properly vet all the smells. We passed 2 dead Google bikes lying in the middle of the trail. Why were they dead? Why here? Who or what had killed them? Safety demanded an investigation, but Mom just kept running. And when she did stop, she whipped out her damned phone and paid attention to it, and not the pee-covered post right next to us. The one person we saw she didn’t even bark at, and when we saw him again after we turned around, *I* had to bark at him. If you want a job done right, don’t give it to a human! I just couldn’t relax till we were safely back home.

–Oscar the tired Pooch



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