top of page

Science dog

Yesterday I learned something interesting about science that I thought you guys would want to know. These days it’s pretty dark in the mornings, so I’m back to running in the spotlight that Mom brings for me. I can’t see things in the dark, but I think they’re out there. For example, sometimes I’m running along and I hear a rustle in the trees and smell squirrel so one of two things is happening: either the dark makes noises and smells, or there is a squirrel that I can’t see. I’ve been carrying out scientific experiments, dragging Mom at top speed trying to catch the squirrel. So far, all of my trials have not turned up any squirrels, so I’m beginning to conclude that hypothesis A is correct: Dark makes noises and smells like critters sometimes. More evidence is needed to prove this theory.

The other thing that Dark does is spontaneously generate Friends and frienemies. Sometimes it spits out the jackpot, and I get a present like the two ladies I fell in love with last week. But mostly it spits out duds like bicycles and rollerbladers. Yesterday the Dark blessed me with two new soulmates: a boy soulmate and a girl soulmate. They kind of freaked me out as they came up behind us, but as they passed I recognized them for what they really were and gave chase. These soulmates weren’t running as fast as my soulmates last week, so Mom didn’t turn into a vacuum cleaner. Instead sat there grumping and growling at full volume behind me as we chased them at their 8:00-mile pace. We chased them for about 3/4 of a mile until we got to the place where the side trail starts, and that’s when things got really interesting…

Mom (the jealous cow) told me that we were going to leave the Soulmates and run on the little side trail for awhile, which is about 15 feet lower than the paved trail, and hidden by some shrubs and trees. That was cool with me, because I knew that this portion of the little side trail was only about 200m long, and we would be back up on the main trail in about a minute and a half, at which point we could find my Friends again. But when we came back to the trail, and I looked back to where we had left the Soulmates about 200m behind us, I couldn’t see their lights. They were gone! So I concluded (like any rational dog would) that as the Dark gives, the Dark also takes away; the Soulmates had disappeared.

But then Mom put forth a completely different theory: she suggested that just like the Friends were moving when we could see them, they ALSO kept moving when we couldn’t see them. And that meant that when I wasn’t looking, they had moved on up the trail and were far AHEAD of us. This was a bit much for me to get my mind around. For example, when I leave my pterodactyl on the bed for an hour, it is right where I left it when I come back. When Mom and Notmom leave the house, they always reappear in the driveway where I saw them last. If Friends don’t just appear and disappear, then they could keep moving and doing things while I wasn’t observing them… What a whacky theory! Who could live in a world of such chaos and unpredictability. Humans are so dumb, they don’t understand how the world works at all!

Dr. Oscar, PhDog in theoretical physics



bottom of page