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Save the drama for yo’ momma… not mine!

You guys. This has nothing to do with running, but I have to tell you about my adventure because no one knows I speak English except the runners on this group…

Our story begins with Mom pulling into the cul-de-sac in a car that I didn’t recognize. I was looking out the screen door when Mom came home, and in the blink of an eye between when my Friend opened the door and when I reached Mom, 3 black and white flashing cars turned the corner and pulled in behind Mom. I huddled against Mom for protection, and she instinctively grabbed my collar. The Men with the Talking Broaches who got out of the panda cars asked who Mom was and whether she knew which house ### was. “That’s my house,” Mom said. “Did you call the cops?” “No, I just got home.” “Do you have a roommate?” “My dog sitter…” Mom started. Then my Friend came out, and everyone but Mom wanted to talk to HER.

The Men with Too Many Things on Their Belts wouldn’t let Mom into the house to use the people bathroom, and told us to go stand in Binky’s yard. This is against Doggie Law, and I knew Binky would be mad at me, but he’s an asthmatic pug and I’m a strapping young athlete, so I thought I could take him if I needed to. Soon, my Friend came to sit with us. She was talking kind of funny and smelled weird. Mom wouldn’t make eye contact with her, but my Friend didn’t care and kept talking anyway. She said over and over how much she loved me and not to cut me out of her life. Who isn’t an Oscar fan, right? I couldn’t understand why going in Binky’s yard would mean I couldn’t see her anymore, but she already seemed pretty confused.

For my part, I was too stunned to bark at all of the strangers going in and out of my house to bark at any of them. (I did bark at Binky’s dad, though. That jerk had it coming!) I just let Mom pet and pet and pet me, while my Friend repeated how sorry she was, and how much she loved me.

“Where’s the other Friend who’s been staying with me all week,” I asked. “He’s been here all week?!?!” Mom said. “He’s locked himself in a room and won’t come out…” “If the cops shoot him, it’ll be a relief,” slurred my Friend. “Friend, is he armed?!” Mom asked, visibly shocked. “No, no, no…” blathered my Friend.

Finally, after almost an hour the boy Friend came out of the house and Mom got to go to the people bathroom. When she had changed and come back outside, my girl Friend was sitting in the back seat of one of the killer whale cars, and was screaming.

“Oscar, what happened in here?” Mom asked. “I don’t know. There was a lot of yelling. Then the boy Friend locked himself in the bedroom and I think they fought about ducks. Where is Shamu taking my Friend?” “The officers say they’re charging her with felony battery and domestic violence. Do you know anything about that?” “They’re charging her battery? Like in her phone? She already looks pretty charged to me… Look how much she’s screaming. Maybe they ought to let her battery run out for a little while. And what’s a felony? Like my cat-sister is a felony?” (My cat sister is pretty dangerous. Mom is always having to dispose of bodies and clean up her crime scenes… but I’ve said too much already.) “Not a feline. A felony, or a bad crime.” “Mom, is Friend a bad lady?” I asked. “No, Oscar. She’s not a bad lady. She saved your friend Rudy from death row, even though he’s scared of people. She gave him a good home where he is safe from strangers, and strangers are safe from his bites. She tried to do the same with her boy Friend. She’s someone who wants to give sick dogs and sick people a chance, when other people have given up on them. It’s none of our business, but it looks like maybe she’s the one that needs help for a little while.”

Both Mom and I were too stunned and upset by the whole thing to go for our planned walk that afternoon. Mom sniffed around every corner of the house, and seemed like she couldn’t get settled. I was very worried about Mom, and about my Friends, who all seemed very upset. I lay very still for the rest of the afternoon and processed what I had seen. All 3 people: Mom, and my girl Friend and my boy Friend all love me very much. But now they were all very sad, and each was mad at the others. How can someone be good, and love others, and want to save them… and yet still hurt them and do things that get them put in the bellies of killer whale cars? Why was Mom so upset, when I was safe, and the house was (mostly) just as she left it? I don’t have answers to this question. I think I’ll be processing it for a long time…

Oscar the Pooch



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