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Run like a girl

My sister Bodie came over last night for keeps! Well not for keeps, her family is going to come get her, but not for lots and lots of weeks. So this morning Mom and I introduced her to our running routine. You guys, my sister does NOT know all the rules of running. First, she didn’t know the trick about rolling over onto your back so Mom can’t put on the harness, so SHE had to wear the ugly orange safety harness. Then she didn’t know to wait and eat grass in the front yard until Mom said, “On your mark, get set, go!” Mom opened the screen and BAM! we were off, just like that.

She didn’t know the rule about waiting until we were on My Trail to poop, so that Mom wouldn’t have to pick it up out of someone’s yard. We hadn’t made it 2 houses before my sister did a travel poo in a big, fluffy lawn and Mom had to find all the buried turds in the tall weeds. ‘She gets grumpy when you poop like that,’ I whispered to my sister as Mom pushed 6″ of clover aside to mine another poo off the ground. ‘Like what?’ my sister asked, beaming.

Then we started running again. Well… Mom and I started running, and my sister started sprinting like there were eggs around the next corner. “Eeeaaaaaasssssyyyy!” Mom said. Well at least Bodie knows that that one means: “Go like hell!”

When we got to the entrance of the trail, my sister didn’t know the rule about everybody going around the same side of a poll. “Boopboopboop!” Mom said, which means, ‘Quick! Pay attention to me!’ My sister must have heard, “CHARGE!” because she cut Mom off, and Mom cut me off. Bodie went around the right side of the pole, and Mom changed course and went around the right side of the pole, and I went around the CORRECT side of the pole… and then, (BOING!) we all came to a screeching halt when my leash got tangled on the pole. “Hey, you guys! What’s up? Isn’t this fun?” my sister said, turning back to check on us for the first time all morning.

Then we hit The Long Icy Bridge. The Long Icy Bridge is about 200 yards long, half up and half down. The floor is wood, and it gets wicked slippery when it’s wet. This morning it was wet and frosty, and Mom kept grabbing on to the railing as my sister pulled her down the slope. I was afraid that Mom would get aggressive like she does when she’s nervous, but I guess my training is paying off because she did really well. We ALMOST got to the bottom safely without incident. Almost.

Right at the bottom, the bridge makes a 180º turn. My sister, who was flying like a runaway locomotive didn’t know about the turn, and pulled Mom in a different direction. Mom wobbled and slipped a little, and my leash caught on her butt cheek in an unfortunate way that pulled her further off balance. “OSCAR!” she screamed. Me?! The loyal Pooch that has been running obediently at her heels all day! Nice guys always finish last!

And that was all in the first 3/4 mile! Eventually my sister settled into a pace that everyone could agree on, and we continued like that without any more major incidents for the next 5 miles. For the last 2, I started to hang back. I had a plan, and I was playing the long game. “Are you tired, Oscar?” Mom asked. Then she started encouraging me and paying more attention to me. “Good boy, Bubs.” Finally! Attention! Always remember who’s a good boy!

We arrived at the front door and everyone paused in anticipation as Mom opened it. The second it cracked open I made my move… “Tag! You’re it!” I said, pouncing on my sister. We started wrestling so quickly and enthusiastically that Mom couldn’t even get our harnesses off! I was having so much fun that I almost missed Egg Time. Almost. But then I didn’t.

-Oscar the host



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