It has gotten COLD!
I know you guys aren’t going to believe me because you think that humans and dogs can’t live at this temperature, but this morning it was FORTY-TWO DEGREES when Mom and I went for our run this morning. No, I swear, it CAN get that cold in real life!
Anyway, Mom being the lunatic that she is, she got out of bed despite the harsh conditions. But I’m no fool. I stayed right in my pillow nest and looked adorable and Mom covered me in blankets and tucked me in. At first I didn’t like blankets because they make it hard to jump up fast if you have to sprint around the house barking like a loony at ghosts. But it was too cold for even the ghosts, and I had noticed that as uncomfortable as they are, blankets can actually keep you warm.
Mom let me stay there, buried so deep in blankets and pillows that I was invisible, until it was time to run. We drove a little ways, and then did our Short Run. The cold wasn’t so bad while we were running, but it was over almost as soon as it started and then Mom put me back in the car while she went to the Jim. I thought that maybe I could stay alive until she got back if I snuggled up in a ball, but Mom had other ideas. She grabbed her ratty old hoodie from the front seat and yanked it over my head. “What the heck are you doing?!” I asked, shaking my head until it poked out the small hole at the top, and mom pulled the hood out of my eyes. “I want you to stay warm,” Mom said. “This will be like a blanket.” She reached up the sleeve and grabbed my paw. “But Mom, I only wear designer clothes! You bought this at Walgreens for 7 dollars!” But fighting was useless. She pulled my front paws through the sleeves and then she left me there looking like the Grim Reeper in the dark parking lot.
I did what I always do when Mom puts something on me that I don’t understand. I stood as still as a statue. I didn’t move a muscle for hours and hours and hours until Mom finally came back out of the Jim. But when I saw her again I forgot about the sweatshirt and started to do my happy prance. When I pranced, I pulled my paw out of the sleeve a little bit, and then I tripped on it and lost my balance. I almost fell face first into the copilot’s seat. And instead of screaming and making sure I was okay, Mom just laughed.
Monster!
Finally she pulled the sweatshirt off of me, and I was finally my handsome self again, bearing my six pack for all to see. Now that all the excitement was over, I noticed something that I hadn’t noticed since Mom left. It was COLD in this car!
-Oscar the Pupsicle
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