top of page

Bidniss Dog

I think Mom is really going to miss Bodie when she goes back to her family, because then she won’t have anyone to tow her really fast, and she’s going to have to run all those miles under her own steam. Usually we don’t run on Wednesdays, but today Mom said that we had to be calm because we needed to go to Work. Work is a place where we spend most of the day with our leashes tied to a desk and get very bored while lying on uncomfortable carpeting. Work is also the act of lying on uncomfortable carpeting and being bored. So Work is both a place and a state of being. At Work, there is always too much going on to take a nap, but not enough going on for it to stay interesting. I like Work because I get free food and lots of butt scratches and attention, but work can be scary too because the mail man there is bolder than our mail man at home and actually comes inside. Once he even waved a big, heavy lobby chair at me when I tried to chase him away. Which is why I’m not allowed freedom at work. It’s called an “disciplinary action” or an “action plan,” which are stupid names for it because they prevent action. So Work can be stressful too. It is important to make sure that you are mentally prepared for Work and that you don’t have ants in your pants when you arrive, because barking at guests and peeing on the carpet is considered “unprofessional.” If you don’t start out relaxed, then you may want to run out of there screaming. And that’s why we run before Work.

I think Work might be the same for the human people at the office. If you don’t run before you go to Work, then you get to do nothing fun all day. You just wake up, and tie yourself to a desk and it can feel like Work owns you. It’s like having to take a bath without getting to roll in something dead or play in the mud first. But if you wake up, go play outside, chase some bunnies, play tug-of-war, and then come home and have egg time with your family before work, then you start your day doing something for you that Work can’t take away. And that way the ants in your pants don’t take over and you don’t run out of there screaming when the mail man attacks or the copy machine growls at you.

Oscar the Business Dog



bottom of page