She didn't even bother to unlock the mailman van before she descended on me with a hunerd pinching fingers.

"Oh brother," she said from behind me in a voice like an eye roll. My collar dug into my throat as she reeled me in a little closer.

"Oh brother," she said from behind me in a voice like an eye roll. My collar dug into my throat as she reeled me in a little closer.

"Mom! No! How could you? I'm a celebrity. It'll be all over TMZ! And my fans will never recognize me with that on."

"Mom! No! How could you? I'm a celebrity. It'll be all over TMZ! And my fans will never recognize me with that on."

The crowd went silent as everyone held their breath. The only noise on the farm was the chicka-chicka-chick of maracas. The squiggle snarled

The crowd went silent as everyone held their breath. The only noise on the farm was the chicka-chicka-chick of maracas. The squiggle snarled

Questions like that are how Mom cheats at arguments. She knows that dogs can't tell the future like she can.

For us dogs, the squirrels and cheese sticks are the story.

Pots clattered as she dug through the kitchen, searching for I-knew-not-what. She grunted triumphantly and pulled out the knife.

Screams filled the inside of the mailman van as the ghosts of all the dogless families he'd eaten rattled the bars.

"Oh my dog! It's the shoopacabra!" I barked. "Let's get him!" I leaned hard into the leash and ordered him to run.

I couldn't tell if it was nature or civilization calling her back, just that Mom was accepting the call.

I couldn't tell if it was nature or civilization calling her back, just that Mom was accepting the call.

If you try to make everything look like the plan, then you're going to miss a lot and spend the whole adventure being frustrated.

The car-house came to rest in a car kennel surrounded by sky. Only the crowns of a few mountains joined us in the sky, still dripping with

The car-house came to rest in a car kennel surrounded by sky. Only the crowns of a few mountains joined us in the sky, still dripping with

"Why would there be a parking lot if there were nothing to see? People who drive sedans don't go up a dirt road for nothing."

"Why would there be a parking lot if there were nothing to see? People who drive sedans don't go up a dirt road for nothing."

Death sat self-consciously behind them all, its bloodthirsty depths and time-stained teeth awkwardly out of place among the picnic tables, r