“You don’t know where they’ve been,” he said judgily, like Mom was irresponsible for not caring enough to check what her avocados were up to

“You don’t know where they’ve been,” he said judgily, like Mom was irresponsible for not caring enough to check what her avocados were up to

“No, Mom!” I said with a subtle pull on the leash. “It’s a trap! He’s trying to dognap you!”

“No, Mom!” I said with a subtle pull on the leash. “It’s a trap! He’s trying to dognap you!”

She didn't even bother to unlock the mailman van before she descended on me with a hunerd pinching fingers.

She didn't even bother to unlock the mailman van before she descended on me with a hunerd pinching fingers.

"You're not even paying attention to who might be sneaking up on you!” I checked out all the windows, then I checked them again.

"You're not even paying attention to who might be sneaking up on you!” I checked out all the windows, then I checked them again.

“The part where you don’t know how it’s going to end is the funnest part of any story,” I agreed. 

The real reason we were in the Outback of Nevada was because we wanted to say Winnemucca. Try it: Winnemucca, Winnemucca, Winnemucca

Even though I need no introduction, I asked Mom to introduce my story by writing the furword to my book.

"Oh brother," she said from behind me in a voice like an eye roll. My collar dug into my throat as she reeled me in a little closer.

"Oh brother," she said from behind me in a voice like an eye roll. My collar dug into my throat as she reeled me in a little closer.

"Mom! No! How could you? I'm a celebrity. It'll be all over TMZ! And my fans will never recognize me with that on."

"Mom! No! How could you? I'm a celebrity. It'll be all over TMZ! And my fans will never recognize me with that on."

Pots clattered as she dug through the kitchen, searching for I-knew-not-what. She grunted triumphantly and pulled out the knife.

Pots clattered as she dug through the kitchen, searching for I-knew-not-what. She grunted triumphantly and pulled out the knife.

Screams filled the inside of the mailman van as the ghosts of all the dogless families he'd eaten rattled the bars.

Screams filled the inside of the mailman van as the ghosts of all the dogless families he'd eaten rattled the bars.

I couldn't tell if it was nature or civilization calling her back, just that Mom was accepting the call.