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The Best Dog

Mom and I have been laying low and enjoying a quiet period. A “quiet period” is what Mom calls it when she doesn’t always feel like getting up early to run. It makes me grouchy when she pulls this nonsense, and so I sneak up on more fleshy and furry people alike and bark at them till I scare them. Scaring people makes me feel better about the ants in my pants.


Today we ran at The Fart, which is very flat and curled up on itself so you can see very far in your future. For a long time I could see that I was going to meet a big Rottweiler mix that was not following The Rules. Obviously, The Fart is a place for running, not for sniffing, but this schlub was just stopping and sniffing in the weeds whenever he pleased. I didn’t like anything about him, so I waited until we were right up behind him, and with 2 quick barks I sprinted at him and screeched, “Wake up!!!” His lady jumped a mile high and screamed like a horror movie, so Mom and I ran away. “What was that lady’s problem?” I asked Mom. “I think you startled her with your barking,” Mom said. “SHE startled ME with HER barking!” I said. “It’s true, she should have been paying attention. She was a bit of a dingbat, wasn’t she?” “You think SHE was a dingbat? Did you see her dog?!”

After that we ran and ran until Mom was tired and I was so cooked that my mouth had split open from ear to ear and my tongue was hanging out half way down to my knees. After a long drink, we were walking to the car when a woman stopped Mom. “What kind of dog do you have?” The Lady asked. “The best dog,” Mom said, which is true and also a good way to avoid The Pit Bull Question with strangers. “I’ll say so,” said the lady, who was obviously a very smart person. “He just runs right behind you with that big smile on his face.”

“Well he’s a very good runner, and we practice a lot,” Mom told her. “No we don’t! Not anymore, because Mom is lazy!” I told the lady, but she didn’t hear me. “Well he’s a beautiful dog,” The Very Intelligent Lady said. “I think so too,” Mom said. “But he barks too much.” Mom is not the best human.

We don’t have any pictures from this morning’s run, so instead I’m posting pictures from the race they threw to celebrate me a couple of weeks ago.

Oscar, The Best Dog



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